Discreet Thanks: "I love getting high at work"

June 27, 2022

Discreet Thanks: “I love getting high at work”

volume 3

Discreetly Dank is a recurring column dedicated to giving a voice to those who dare to be horny. Each volume will be by a different author who needs a safe place to document what it’s really like to be a weed lover in a world where cannabis is still not normalized.

Here’s the thing, y’all. Now that we’re working from home, I get high all the time at work. In fact, I think weed makes me a better employee, and I’m willing to make my point.

“Smoking weed mostly helps me win.”

Let me start by saying that I am not a surgeon. I don’t drive a school bus full of kids. I don’t make life and death decisions, nor does my job depend on my feline reflexes.

And sure. I know some people don’t perform at their best when stoned, and some just don’t like mixing work and fun. But for me, me and me?

I love getting high at work. And to be honest, I’m a better employee for it.

weeds and the working day

Thing is, smoking weed mostly helps me win.

“With a little puff-puff, The Matrix allows me to dodge some of the roadblocks that previous versions of me should have discussed at my quarterly review.”

I’m calmer when I smoke weed. I take a deep breath before responding to feedback or firing off a cheeky Slack message. And I don’t bolt at the slightest bit of trouble with “per my last email” messages. With a little puff puff, Matrix can dodge some of the roadblocks that previous versions of me should have discussed at my quarterly review.

I’m also a better creative problem solver. Weed loosens my mind, helps me think outside the box and find more inventive solutions.

Basically (given the pros and cons), most people in my job would prefer I be a little toasted to be the teammate they rely on. But if that’s true, then why does it feel this way when my bosses find out I’m getting stoned at work? Especially in a state where adult cannabis is legal.

Dodging the cannabis opinions of colleagues

It’s not just the bosses. I also know that my colleagues would judge me for smoking at work.

Just last month, a close work friend of mine kept talking about how her boyfriend always gets high at work and how much she hates it. She didn’t know she was talking to me while I’m high all the time at work.

I just smiled and nodded… because I was high.

If they knew I smoke while I’m off-camera on our weekly organizational status calls, they and my other work friends might think differently about me and my work ethic.

And while I just received a bonus this year for being the top performer in my department, I’m not ready to be labeled a stoner stereotype and judged for how I prefer to be productive .

How cannabis can help with stress and anxiety

Why is weed still NSFW?

It feels like the line between what is and isn’t an acceptable substance to use at work is based solely on societal constructs, rather than how those substances affect employee performance and happiness .

Do not believe me? Let’s just say I’ve dabbled in a few things, and in my opinion, exceeding my usual caffeine intake by a few cups feels scary, much like snorting a few lines. (Note: I recommend Not to make this astute observation aloud at work. Very few of your suburban peers will appreciate the forbidden knowledge your nightclub experiences have imparted to you before even having a cup of coffee.)

While weed isn’t a substitute for all kinds of medication, the right weed strains help calm my anxiety. If my evil corporate overlords didn’t give us crappy health insurance, maybe it wouldn’t be as big a deal as it is. But 2022? Calming my anxiety is a big deal.

Of course, I know not everyone can handle their weed, but for those who can, what’s the difference between a cup of coffee, a calming tea, or a joint to get you through the workday?

Taking responsibility for my work from home

Weed can’t make everyone a better employee, but it makes me one, so I always get high at work.

It’s even factored into my plan to continue working from home now that my company is optionally in the office. It’s something I do to take care of my sanity and make sure I’m in the best headspace to keep swimming through the capitalist hellscape we all have to live in these days.

4 mental health tips for weed lovers

And you know what? I think I stumbled upon something. Thinking like this goes beyond work because at the end of the day I smoke weed for myself.

It makes me happier, makes me feel more grounded, and makes me feel like a more present and accomplished person.

If you don’t like that, feel free to write an employee feedback form, attach the PDF, take it past my manager and shove it up your ass. I’ll be right here when I get the email.

Check out Discreetly Thanks from last month

Discreet thanks

Discreetly Dank is a recurring column dedicated to highlighting the stories and perspectives of cannabis enthusiasts grappling with the stigma surrounding cannabis in all facets of life. From micro-aggression to genuine health and safety concerns, the contributors to Discreetly Dank dare to be horny in a world that hasn’t caught up with their sophisticated lifestyles…yet.

Check out Discreetly Dank’s articles

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