Marriage or marijuana flavor? Ngaio Bealum advises

American comedian, musician, writer, actor, activist, juggler and publisher Ngaio Bealum solves Leafly readers’ problems in an occasional advisory column we call “Ask Ngaio”. This time – weeds so loud that they disrupt domestic harmony.

Ngaio,

So … my state just legalized cannabis and I may be a little overdone on my first visit to a cannabis dispensary. Serious. I bought a lot of weed. Do weeds get bad? What is the best way to stay fresh longer?

—Manny Baggs

Ngaio,

I love cannabis. My wife doesn’t. She doesn’t even like the smell. Yeah it’s strange, but I still love her. The thing is, she keeps complaining about the flavors pouring out of my stash box. What can I do?

-Ö. D’Iferous

It’s simple: respect the plant. The 7 Acres Re: Stash Jar (Courtesy Re: Stash)

Whether you two know it or not, you’re basically both asking me the same thing … “What am I supposed to do with all the goddamn noise that’s now waiting in my house to be smoked?”

One man’s tree of fire is another’s foot odor. It’s like smelly cheese.

Weed stinks and is getting smelly. While you may enjoy the strong terpene flavors of a good OG or a fresh batch of Cat Piss, others may not share your view.

Here we go:

Weed is like a vampire: not because it thirsts you for human blood, but because light will kill it. Metaphorically. Heat, light, and oxygen ruin good cannabis. Heat atomizes the terpenes, which is a fancy way of saying “it makes your house smell like weed”. UV light and oxygen turn the THC into CBN, which will still get you high, but most likely it will make you really sleepy. Terpenes also give cannabis its distinctive flavors and aromas, so you should keep them on the bloom until you breathe them into your lungs.

Memory 101

How to store food for optimal safety and freshness

The best way is to keep your supplies in a cool, dark place, always in an airtight jar or a good quality plastic bag. Even better, use both in combination.

Throw away all of those silly plastic pill bottles first. Rusty glass lid? Throw them away.

Smellyproof and Grove Bags make sturdy, airtight bags in all sizes.

• Canlock glasses.
• Grove bags with TerpLoc.

And Canlok makes these great glasses that have a little pump (like old school Reeboks) to suck all the air out of the container. If you don’t have both, don’t run into your yard to bury it to keep the peace in the house. You can always use a tightly closed spherical jar.

If you want to go pro-level, customize and kid-proof your mason jars with Re: Stash cases and tops. I use canlok jars when I want to keep a particular flavor for special occasions. I have purple candy canes from last year (or maybe 2019 – maybe 500 years ago, the time is so weird) in a glass in a desk drawer and it’s still delicious and invigorating.

Remember – pipe resin, buds that have already evaporated, and bong water stink; also ashtrays. So seal the AVB, dispose of the ash, clean your glass, and change the bong water. Be proud of your hobby, man.

And if you like it extra chic, get yourself a mini fridge and use it as a weed cellar. You can store cannabis for months or even years if you store it properly. I hope I helped you save your weed and almost as importantly your marriage.

More tips on cannabis storage, lists, and shopping

Write your favorite odor control tips in the comments below.

Professional bealum

Ngaio Bealum is an American comedian, musician, writer, actor, activist, juggler, and publisher. He hosted the Netflix show Cooking on High and hosted the quiz app Daily Bonfire. He writes columns for the Sacramento News & Review and Cannabis Now and answers questions from readers about marijuana and the policy of legalization.

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